Monologue of a Gaay in the city

Brightonstud22: Do you go “out” to looh mate?

Me: I think u have SMS?

Brightonstud22: WHAT?

Me: Slumdog Millionaire Syndrome.

Brightonstud22:  I think half of Mumbai shits on streets.

Me:  Yes, we all in Mumbai do that, the way all Britisher’s come to India for sexual escapades with young guys & girls, stay in down market clumsy cheap hotels in Colaba Causeway & survive on Charas.

 “I think you over reacted”, is what Ken told me. I look at Rumi for some support “I so have to pee, I will just go behind those walls & do it”, is what he says holding on to his crotch, like a child who eagerly wants to pee. As Rumi clears his bladder I say “Brightonstud22 was not all that wrong”, Ken adds “except we do it wearing really stylish H&M underwear” & points out towards Rumi’s strikingly beautiful, brand new H&M briefs which he was flashing while peeing.

He zips up, walks towards us & says,” there is something Butch about doing stuff like that, right in open”. I say it’s not “Butch” it’s very “slum-dog milliony”. “Are we still hung over that, c’mon let me treat you guys a beer”, Rumi suggests. As we were in Colaba Causeway, Cafe Leopold’s was the best place we could go to. Rumi goes in & makes a reservation for three. The waiting time was about twenty minutes. So we wait at the counter to check out the crowd. Just then a white guy in his late 20’s or early 30’s speaks to Rumi, invites us to join his friends. This was an offer Rumi could not resist & we walked towards their table. We make ourselves comfortable, order beer;  introduce ourselves to two other friends of the guy who invited us to share a table.

Within minutes, I knew we were in the company of 2 British & 1 Scottish chap (FYI: cute). Just then in the middle of nowhere one of them points at me & says “U look like that guy from Slumdog movie”, Rumi helps “Dev Patel, the skinny one”; looks at my face, grins & adds “yeah you do”. I was embarrassed & did not think it to be a compliment at all, on the contrary an insult, I have been told to have a slight resemblance to Adrien Brody by some, but this was just a bad comparison. I knew whom to avoid that evening & thank god it was not the Scottish. He just gave me his dimpled smile & I held his hand which was noticed just by Ken.

After a few beers Rumi decided to go to the hotel room with the “insulting- Slumdog fan- freckled- Bristish-boy” ,while Ken decided to leave as he had a early shift, the other British chap had a date; so I was left alone with “my Scottish guy”. We decided to walk by The Walls.

Somewhere at Gateway of India, he questions “How much time do you think they will take”?. “It’s Rumi, don’t expect him to be early”, is what I reply. He smiles again & looks around. “So all these guys just sleep on the streets?”  He asks looking at families of slums sleeping by the gate. I knew where this conversation was heading to.  Well there are slums in many other cities; like America have Bronx; he interrupts “well to be frank, yes there are, but this is poverty at its worst & it really kills my heart looking at all these children”. Just then I had to open my mouth & say something stupid “Oh, we are used to it.” I add “Mumbai has more to it, than the slums, so why do you guys only look at poverty etc, when you guys come here”. Just then I look at the street, it was all covered with people sleeping on the streets of the Gateway of India, little children their parents.

“You need to accept Poverty, only then can you do something about it; & I am sorry to say, but you are behaving just like your politician’s here, ignoring & being defensive about slums & poverty. It’s a reality; accept it because only then something can be done about it.” Is what Scottish said.

A little later Rumi came & I headed towards Churchgate station & on my way all I could see was glimpses of poverty, glimpses of beggars sleeping on the pedestrian by the University of Mumbai, families sleeping even at Churchgate Station. May be, at times one does require a Danny Boyle to give you a reality check, a different yet important perspective of your own country, may be it was Scottish in my case.

I know there is very little, that I can do to change this. But, I knew I had one power, a power to vote, a power to find- a kinda- good boyfriend for India, who could take care of her, who could actually understand her. Maybe, India was just like us, a city which had been single for just too long & a history of really bad boyfriends & affairs. With elections just around the corner we all have a choice to be a good friend & find a “good-Mate” for her.

So please Vote!