Monologue of a Gaay in the city

One thing that makes Mumbai accessible is its transportation system. We have the black & yellow Taxis, the Rickshaw’s which one cannot find down town but they start from BANDRA & SION & according to me they are best means to travel, then we have the red BEST buses  again preferred by some, but the most remarkable discovery was the invention of a local train. The Mumbai Suburban Railway is the oldest in Asia, it was founded in 1847. It is owned by Indian Railways and is operated by Western Railways and Central Railways. It has become a “Life Line” of Mumbai.

It just did not offer a service of taking people from one place to another but it has actually offered a lot to everyone. People found friends here, women found a place to exchange recipes, beggars found one more place to  beg, men found place to play cards, make friends, recite Bhajans (holy songs),a hot place for small time robbers & what it offered to the gay guys was  2/2 compartment, which got upgraded, I don’t know when to a 1st class compartment.

Every gay guy has had some tale to tell about some gay experience in a local train in Mumbai & Rumi had a one of a kind experience too. He hardly travels by train but on one unfortunate Sunday he came & stayed at my place in suburbs to spend sometime & Rumi got so drunk that me & Ken did not want him to leave in that condition. So he spent the night at my place & morning he got the first class local train ticket & boarded the 8:51 fast local to Churchgate. After being pushed & pulled to get in, he found a corner by the door, he made himself comfortable, but just then two college going twink’s got in with huge back packs & one of them stood right infront of Rumi with his back pack suffocating Rumi to death, at first Rumi tried to shift a bit but there was hardly any place to move. So he requested the twink to keep his bag on the shelf .The twink saw him and gave a look which clearly suggested he did not like that suggestion. After a few stations the crowd had increased & Rumi just could not take it. He did not request, now he demanded the twink to keep his bag on the shelf. The twink was not ready to do it he looked at Rumi directly & told “Oye Uncle, Andheri utarna hai, aapko kya problem hai ek konai mein khade ho na” (oye Uncle, have to get down at Andheri, what’s your problem you have got a corner to stand). Rumi had taken all kinds of assaults, abuses & given it back in a better way, which no one could answer back, but Rumi was just not prepared to be called “UNCLE”. He got down at the next station & made the most imp phone call & fixed an appointment at HFX beauty salon for an energy mask treatment & took a cab to town.

Over weekend he invited us for lunch & told us about the train incident. Ken commented by saying “This is one issue in India you have to have some kind of relationship-name attached even to a stranger, when you are a kid you are referred as BAITA (SON) by society women , later Bhaiya (Brother) by kids who are younger to you, gradually you graduate to being called Uncle & finally post- graduate towards being called Chacha (dads brother) when you become old.  I comment on this by sharing a childhood experience where I was left with no option but to call “Bhaiya” to my cricket coach whom I use to think & masturbate of, it brings a smile on Rumis face. He asks “why  didn’t you refer to him with his name?” I reply “all my friends use to call him Bhaiya & I did not want to loose respect in his eyes”. Rumi comments “damn you should have taken a stand”. I reply “Oh dear! the only stand I was having then, was every time he use to take off his T-shirt after the game & use it to wipe the sweat off his really awesome moderately-hairy, but perfect-chest”.

Ken & Rumi commented “You were such a whore then?” I defend by saying “I have always been an admirer of beauty & stop giving a dirty-word to it”. “What was his name?  Rumi questions, I answer “ Uday*”Ken comments “ well he definitely lived upto his name” & winks at me & we laugh, Rumi looks confused he did not get the joke(Please check the * at the bottom of this blog).

Ken says “Up North we use Bhai Sahab”  Rumi comments “Bother  Sir, its such a confusing title”. I interrupt “Ahh ! a college kid called me that when he wanted to know road-direction”. Rumi throws a pillow on me & says “This bitch gets called Bhai sahib & me Uncle”. Ken looks at Rumi & says ”you should have told him Uncle mat kaho na” enacting the way a woman use to say “aunty mat kaho na” in Ekta Kapoors only soap without the “K” letter. Me & Ken laugh at his little act, Rumi just doesn’t understand what was funny about it. Ken tries to explain “Here it is all about relationships. A name makes one enter into a very comfortable zone & we like things defined” Rumi says I don’t have a problem with that I don’t want to be titled a UNCLE from some unknown kid who is just same as my age… Ken looks at Rumi questioningly Rumi looks at Ken & says“a few years younger to me” Ken still looks at Rumi in doubt.

Ken continues “using a title which has a relationship just makes things comfortable, the person saying it might now even mean it, some people don’t mean Uncle when they say it” he looks at Rumi &he pauses & then continues again looking at me now”the same way some people don’t mean Bhaiya when they say Bhaiya, we have an example infront of us” I nod accepting what he said was correct & made sense. Rumi asks Ken “So had anyone called you Chacha” Ken takes a pillow & throws at Rumi & we end the day with a pillow fight.

*Uday : The English meaning of the word Uday is “The RISING”, I hope you get the joke now.