Monologue of a Gaay in the city

Once upon a time three wise single gay men travelled all the way to town, to meet Divi. Divi was this young 25 yr old who was happily in relationship with Sachin .They all met in Atria, a mall situated near Nehru Planetarium where one went to see and understand the galaxy, stars and universe. However, we were here to see a rare specimen too, a guy in relationship and still in love after 5 yrs. Rumi starts the conversation by asking “how is your boring life”? Ken being protective about Divi interrupts and asks “when is Sachin coming”? Divi says “he will take a while, tell me about you guys any potential relationships?” and looks at Rumi directly, Rumi says “wrong person”, points at us & continues “ask these two, they want to be in one, right now am just looking for eye candy in this mall and its tough!” he comments after he had scanned the floor we were on .Rumi makes a hand gesture that one uses when a bee buzzes & annoys you shifting Divis’ attention towards me. I sip diet coke and say “nope its just me” and I look towards Ken he smiles and says” well nothing serious, I just met a few guys nothing serious” I comment at least you are meeting, you are in the field I don’t have time” Rumi just interrupts and says “ya we all know about your job, now please don’t start again”, he looks at Divi and updates him about my job condition where he explains “ he is in a job which requires him to put many hours he doesn’t have offs and has bored us with that for like ages now”. What he said did hurt me but who expects empathy from queen who had not found a guy to leech on in a mall. I just nod and say “yep! that’s me”.

We ask Divi to tell us about you, and he starts telling us of the things that Sachin does, where they go, etc..etc.. his life was like a Yash Chopra movie a romantic musical, and Ken had all his attention on him commenting ‘that’s sweet’ sometimes we both did aww… just then Rumi says “yeah we know you are in a relationship please don’t go on, I have not travelled all the way to town for listening to this”& while he was telling this he was not looking directly at us but his eyes were still searching (I felt he was avoiding all the mushy conversation) and then all of a sudden he points at something and shouts “see Tops are on sale” and points at a window display of a shop. Few people did stare directly in that direction cause Rumi was too loud we too look in that direction too; it was just some shop selling girl tops and had a board “Tops are on sale”. It was really funny cause we were the only 4 guys laughing while the Parsi aunty’s could not understand the joke and found us silly, Ken comments looking at Rumi “couldn’t you be more loud and camp”.

Later we settle at a food court where we order and Divi receives a phone call from Sachin saying that he will be a few minutes late. Just then while we were having our lunch we see Mr. Truth Seven with a hunk and who walks in our direction he comes and says “how are you doing darlings”. We hug him and he asks Divi “still in relationship?” Divi nods, Mr. Truth Seven smiles and looks in our direction & questions “how r u singles?” were we carrying a board now with our relationship status I question. “You guys spend so much of time together that I don’t think that you guys will be ever be in a relationship” Mr. Truth Seven answers & giggles, we were just silent it was like a slap on our face he looks at us and says “got to go date, isn’t he hot” and leaves. We look at each other in question and a thought runs thru my mind, is my friendship the reason for me being in no relationship?
 Sachin just came in on time to lighten the situation and we all order for desserts we just needed something sweet to lift our spirits up. Our eyes were cast on Sachin and Divi they were feeding each other, having a couple laugh the Kodak moments, both of them looked so beautiful, it was there love for each other which was adding just the right spice to their relationship just then I look at my Fren-en-emies, my cause for not being in relationship. And I see Rumi looking at SACH-DIV, somewhere the bitch had a  heart which somewhere desired to be in that place with someone special  & then there was Ken who was smiling looking at them & having the same feeling. Somewhere we were missing being in love, every action that  SACH-DIV did actually reminded us of our past lovers and we so badly wanted to be the one to experience all that and not just watch.

We left town with a very good feeling and in taxi we were silent, from Bandra we hopped into a rickshaw and Ken breaks the silence “are we actually spending too much time with each other” Rumi looks at Ken and says “c’mon”  I interrupt looking somewhere in the air and not directly at them “I too want to have all that, I want feel loved, I want to share food, have those Kodak moments, I want to be hugged too”, just then Rumi answers seriously ‘You guys know what I think we all deserve that and we will get it maybe we are not cause its not the right time, but till that time we have each other and we are fun, we have hugged together we have had those Kodak moments together, we have fed each other at times, we are so blinded by finding the one that we love and finding that Divi or that Sachin that we forget the most amazing relationship called “friendship” that we have with each other  I am glad we are spending time with each other, may be we might find someone maybe we wont but we will always have each other . Being Single & Gay is difficult, I have survived those break ups cause of you guys. I know many gay guys don’t have friends, many  sleep with a hidden agenda of sex when they make friends we haven’t, we choose not to .So till we have a man or men in our lives we have each other till death do us apart and we need to make most of it, so now just make up your moods up & next time if anyone questions if we are single promise me that we will grab them by their balls & say YES!SINGLE THATS US!” what Rumi said almost got tears in our eyes and we kept our heads on Rumi shoulders and had the most awesome experience.

So the three wise men probably may or may not find the ONE but they knew that all three of them had found each other in that tiny island called MUMBAI

One thing that makes Mumbai accessible is its transportation system. We have the black & yellow Taxis, the Rickshaw’s which one cannot find down town but they start from BANDRA & SION & according to me they are best means to travel, then we have the red BEST buses  again preferred by some, but the most remarkable discovery was the invention of a local train. The Mumbai Suburban Railway is the oldest in Asia, it was founded in 1847. It is owned by Indian Railways and is operated by Western Railways and Central Railways. It has become a “Life Line” of Mumbai.

It just did not offer a service of taking people from one place to another but it has actually offered a lot to everyone. People found friends here, women found a place to exchange recipes, beggars found one more place to  beg, men found place to play cards, make friends, recite Bhajans (holy songs),a hot place for small time robbers & what it offered to the gay guys was  2/2 compartment, which got upgraded, I don’t know when to a 1st class compartment.

Every gay guy has had some tale to tell about some gay experience in a local train in Mumbai & Rumi had a one of a kind experience too. He hardly travels by train but on one unfortunate Sunday he came & stayed at my place in suburbs to spend sometime & Rumi got so drunk that me & Ken did not want him to leave in that condition. So he spent the night at my place & morning he got the first class local train ticket & boarded the 8:51 fast local to Churchgate. After being pushed & pulled to get in, he found a corner by the door, he made himself comfortable, but just then two college going twink’s got in with huge back packs & one of them stood right infront of Rumi with his back pack suffocating Rumi to death, at first Rumi tried to shift a bit but there was hardly any place to move. So he requested the twink to keep his bag on the shelf .The twink saw him and gave a look which clearly suggested he did not like that suggestion. After a few stations the crowd had increased & Rumi just could not take it. He did not request, now he demanded the twink to keep his bag on the shelf. The twink was not ready to do it he looked at Rumi directly & told “Oye Uncle, Andheri utarna hai, aapko kya problem hai ek konai mein khade ho na” (oye Uncle, have to get down at Andheri, what’s your problem you have got a corner to stand). Rumi had taken all kinds of assaults, abuses & given it back in a better way, which no one could answer back, but Rumi was just not prepared to be called “UNCLE”. He got down at the next station & made the most imp phone call & fixed an appointment at HFX beauty salon for an energy mask treatment & took a cab to town.

Over weekend he invited us for lunch & told us about the train incident. Ken commented by saying “This is one issue in India you have to have some kind of relationship-name attached even to a stranger, when you are a kid you are referred as BAITA (SON) by society women , later Bhaiya (Brother) by kids who are younger to you, gradually you graduate to being called Uncle & finally post- graduate towards being called Chacha (dads brother) when you become old.  I comment on this by sharing a childhood experience where I was left with no option but to call “Bhaiya” to my cricket coach whom I use to think & masturbate of, it brings a smile on Rumis face. He asks “why  didn’t you refer to him with his name?” I reply “all my friends use to call him Bhaiya & I did not want to loose respect in his eyes”. Rumi comments “damn you should have taken a stand”. I reply “Oh dear! the only stand I was having then, was every time he use to take off his T-shirt after the game & use it to wipe the sweat off his really awesome moderately-hairy, but perfect-chest”.

Ken & Rumi commented “You were such a whore then?” I defend by saying “I have always been an admirer of beauty & stop giving a dirty-word to it”. “What was his name?  Rumi questions, I answer “ Uday*”Ken comments “ well he definitely lived upto his name” & winks at me & we laugh, Rumi looks confused he did not get the joke(Please check the * at the bottom of this blog).

Ken says “Up North we use Bhai Sahab”  Rumi comments “Bother  Sir, its such a confusing title”. I interrupt “Ahh ! a college kid called me that when he wanted to know road-direction”. Rumi throws a pillow on me & says “This bitch gets called Bhai sahib & me Uncle”. Ken looks at Rumi & says ”you should have told him Uncle mat kaho na” enacting the way a woman use to say “aunty mat kaho na” in Ekta Kapoors only soap without the “K” letter. Me & Ken laugh at his little act, Rumi just doesn’t understand what was funny about it. Ken tries to explain “Here it is all about relationships. A name makes one enter into a very comfortable zone & we like things defined” Rumi says I don’t have a problem with that I don’t want to be titled a UNCLE from some unknown kid who is just same as my age… Ken looks at Rumi questioningly Rumi looks at Ken & says“a few years younger to me” Ken still looks at Rumi in doubt.

Ken continues “using a title which has a relationship just makes things comfortable, the person saying it might now even mean it, some people don’t mean Uncle when they say it” he looks at Rumi &he pauses & then continues again looking at me now”the same way some people don’t mean Bhaiya when they say Bhaiya, we have an example infront of us” I nod accepting what he said was correct & made sense. Rumi asks Ken “So had anyone called you Chacha” Ken takes a pillow & throws at Rumi & we end the day with a pillow fight.

*Uday : The English meaning of the word Uday is “The RISING”, I hope you get the joke now.