Guess who’s coming to Brunch?
On Saturday I met this cute 24 yr old Ethiopian guy who had come over to finish his Phd. In Mumbai. Over coffee I kinda got a hint that his overall experience in Mumbai was not that great. I knew it was difficult to survive in the city when one is single & with no friends. So I knew what I had to do.
I called up my friends & made them all excited about this new person that I was getting for Brunch. I knew my friends will welcome this Ethiopian guy & make him comfortable .I thought he was meeting all the wrong guys, Mumbai guys are very welcoming & fun & I knew he will like them.
On a lazy Sunday afternoon we all gathered at this restaurant Five in Santacruz W. Well all were in, except the Ethiopian guy. Of all the people Rumi was really excited about the new guy, his explanation “Well I have done with most of the guys in Mumbai, it’s always nice to have a little something something with someone new” just to make them excited I tell them he is 24yrs old which kinda gets Ken smile & I added by saying he is not from India which made Rumi whisper “I Love u”. Just then I see the Ethiopian guy coming in our direction & with a smile I greet him & introduce him to Ken he gives a expression of disappointment & Rumi who greets with a smile.
After ordering Sauvignon, Ken made it clear that he will just be having wine & then going back. I did find it weird but I did not want to create any scene infront of the Ethiopian guy.Aafter trying the pickled shell pasta Rumi breaks the silence by asking “So where are u from?” he replies “Ethiopia” looking at the confusion on Rumi’s face, he tried to be more specific & says “it’s in Africa!” clearly Rumi just had nothing to say than telling Ken “You have got your bike correct?, I too will leave with u”.
Ethopian population spoke either Amharic, Oromo & English but here we were speaking “Nothing”. So I decide to speak something about food on the menu & tell the Ethopian (really pissed guy) “They serve the best prawns here, maybe we should order that”. Just then Ken shows us his finished wine glass like a kid shows to her mother after having finished his glass of milk & tells well I got to go, to which Rumi hurriedly gulps wine smiles & says we will leave now & he gives his hand for a handshake to the Ethiopian guy to which the guy stands up & says “you know what guys I am sorry to have spoiled your Brunch but I don’t belong here. I get it!” he looks at me “Thanks that you invited but now you get it, this is the same response that I get, I know you are different from all these guys & thanks for trying” & rushes out of the restaurant.
It was time for lot of explanation & arguments. I start by saying “I am so ashamed of you guys! What just happened?” Ken replies by saying “Did you see his attitude… the guy was just not my type” this was the last thing I had to hear from him “You know, did you see your attitude Mr. Maun-vrath (a fast where one doesn’t speak) & not everyone I get to meet you, you have to do them ot they have be your type…& I very well know what the issue was …it was not at all the attitude it was some issue far greater than that” Rumi takes a puff of Davidoff & looks at me…while Ken just looks in a opposite direction. I look at Rumi and say “it’s cause he is black… I so hate to say that but that’s it!”. Rumi replies to my allegation”Come on dear don’t you know how many black guys I have slept with. I love black guys they have the most amazing…” & I interrupt “that is what was surprising to me, why you had to behave like this” I take a pause & then continue” …wait a min all those guys were African American & Ethiopian was from Ethiopia”. I continue by saying “you guys are RACIST …& I so want to get out of here right now”. I give my contribution for the bill & rush out of Five in less than 5 seconds.
Later that night while having dinner & watching TV it just struck me the whole nation wants to look either Fair & Lovely or Fair & handsome, Companies even gave a scale to carry along with their product to find out how fair we are & I thought is modern day India any different from the past. We have been a country which had to fight against the caste system, Colour issues, Freedom & when I finally thought that we had passed that era I had to see it with my own eyes & my own friends (educated young guys) doing it. Ken who did not want to be in company of a black guy not for any other reason but cause he was black & Rumi cause he can sleep with & be friends with African American cause he thought they were a bit high in status than a real African, he had a problem with cause Ethiopian came from Ethiopia which was not the “IT” country.
Just then my cell phone rings & it was Ken, I thought of not talking to him all my life, but then I had to give some Gyaan to him. He starts by talking about things in office & blah. I interrupt him & tell him… “Ken do you remember this one day at work when you had to take this supervisor call & you were speaking to this British customer & how he had told you that he did not want to speak to a Brown cunt like you & hung up” Ken knew where I was going he interrupts by saying “I might have come across as a Racist, I am sorry”. I interrupt “Its not me you have to say sorry to its him, & I will tell you this, next time I see any kind of racial prejudices I will stop speaking to you guys completely, come on I consider Oprah as my icon” just then I have a call waiting, it was Rumi I knew he will be one difficult queen, so I hang up on Ken & say hello to Rumi. He says “I hate to be on call waiting” just then I interrupt “Why cause you are gay & a light brown” he cuts me out & says “Oh! are we still hung on that topic, you clearly know I am not a racist its just that someone from Ethiopia with me.. It’s just not my style” I cut him now & tell him “& do you think hanging around with a feminine guy with loads of attitude is our style”. I know this will involve some war of words but Rumi was completely silent which was surprising but then he says “That hurts, moreover cause its coming from you” .”Same here & try to understand how he must have felt with that cold shoulder you guys showed” is what I said…Rumi replies in a bit apologetic way “So tell me what do I have to do now. Well give me his no.” I search his no. On my cell phone & give him his no. & he asks me what his is name & I clearly had no clue I did remember him telling me once…so I tell Rumi that I don’t have his name. A bit surprised he asks me “How have u stored his no.” I tell him “Ethiopian Black Guy” there was silence for some time then Rumi speaks “How have u stored my name? “ I reply “Rumi queen” he questions “Kens name? “… I look up & say “Ken Taklu (bald)” Rumi shouts “Miss Mother Teresa if we are RACIST this thing of yours makes you a NAMEIST, you are just one of us. We sail in the same boat honey”. I did not know what to say, so I don’t comment on the statement & just hang up.
Little later I just pick my cell phone & check on the contact list… I had names like Dilip Chinki (for a friend from Assam)…Shweta Torture (for a colleague who was a torture to talk to) Shriram Lungi (for a guy from South India) & Rumi’s voice calling me a NAMEIST was just echoing in my mind I decide to sleep.
Next morning I had a messg on my cellphone “Miss Nameist please make your presence felt at Rumi’s place this Saturday” it was a sms from Ken…I was so scared that the message was going to pass everywhere, now that Rumi had decided to get me all dirty in the gay world. I will be socially outcasted…& be called NAMEIST.
On Saturday I take all my courage to face all of my friends. Rumi greets me into his house & I see Ken giving me the look & the Ethiopian guy was present too… there were bunch of other guys too & the Ethiopian was made comfortable among the crowd by Ken & Rumi, also it seemed like everyone liked him & one person keeping him company was Mr. Truth Seven. I did not even dare to go & tell the Ethiopian “Hi”.
I take my drink & go to the balcony where no one was. Little later the Ethiopian guy taps my back & greets me. I greet him back… he tells me “You have quiet some nerves to tell Rumi to apologise I hear he never does that “. He continues “I like your friends” & “I respect you for that” & tries to walk out of the balcony. Just then I stop him & tell him “you know I need to apologise to you” he questions for what ,I take out my cell phone & show him how I had stored his name, he smiles & takes out his cell phone & shows he had stored my name. He had stored my name as “brown & pushy” it brings a smile on my face & I ask him his name he takes my cell phone & writes WERKNEH, I ask him what does it mean he says “Gold” I take the cell phone from his hand & edit the name further & add Mr. Gold & we laugh just then Rumi joins us & pushes us as he had arranged Truth & Dare & he whispers in to my ear “ Guess what for Dare I am going to tell Werkneh to take off his pants, want to see what Ethiopia has in store”
Well the party ended well, Mr. Gold left with Mr. Truth Seven we waited back to help Rumi to clean the place etc… & I showed them my cell phone & how I have changed everyone’s name & say “finally if Oprah calls me on her show I will be able to go without any guilt” & three of us laugh at it.
